when your chest feels light with a piercing feeling twisting through it...

Its been a long time coming... I guess I have somehow prepared myself for this... I guess thats why I feel the way i feel now... right now... no heaven can compare to the ease this brings my heavy chest... yet no hell can ever compare to the twisting pain that's stabbing me through the heart... what went wrong and what didn't go right is still in question... the only good thing is that no doors have been closed and no windows have been barred... I once wrote a story... one about a gardener and his angel.. I guess that story has come back to haunt me once more. I am the gardener and I've tried with all my might to plant a rose with an angel... i guess it did bud.. but it never bloomed... now its just there planted and frozen... devoid of all the beauty and color it could have had... winter that has never come in my garden before and even though i have lost a rose once... never has it snowed here.. it feels cold... and the bud that I have panted with an angel has frozen. Life isn't what it is... and it isn't what its supposed to be...

alot of things have happend and I guess I'm just not ready and neither is she... this is I guess what we're supposed to be... I guess this is when cowards pull the trigger... this is when man is weakest and closest to madness... I have been here before... but never have I fallen into it... madness taunts me.... darkness calls me... sadness embraces me... pain is bursting from within me... yet oddly and painfully a smile must grace my face.... and happiness has to cover me up...

This is me.... this is how i feel... a huge weight lifted from my chest.. while a piercing pain replaces it... this pain, a dagger through the heart... piercing and twisting... as blood gushes out to meet tears from my smiling face...